Menopause Sucks - What to Do When Your Hot Flashes Make You and Everyone Else Miserable

I remember my first episode of perimenopause as clearly as the first time I saw the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show. I was sweating, crying, clawing at my hair, and ripping off my clothes. Unfortunately, I was 46 years old and there was no Fab Four in sight. In fact, this horrific event happened during an important business meeting.

Wearing my sassy yet sophisticated power suit with the appropriate accessories and ladder-climbing shoes, I was speaking to a group of Very Important Personnel. Suddenly some unknown force of evil invaded my body and mind, rendering me a breathless mass of confusion. I swear that it was similar to having a mammogram, a root canal, and a colonoscopy in a sauna while watching reruns of the shower scene from the movie Psycho. Only worse.

A wave of intense heat rolled over my belly to my head. Styrofoam lined my mouth, I forgot how to speak English, and my tongue rolled out just like the camel at the zoo. Then my brain slipped into neutral. Who were these people staring at me? Why was I standing in front of them sweating like a heavyweight boxer in the ninth round?

I feared death was imminent as my chaotic mind ratcheted from neutral into panic mode. Who would care for my children? Had I paid the electric bill? Crap, if this is the end, why didn’t I have that donut after all?